When I Was a Child
by MissDaisy87
Summary: Inara has to give River a gift and isn't too pleased at first. A little introspection, a little humor and a little friendship....Written for a Secret Santa fic exchange.


Author's Note: Not mine. Just having fun here.

_River Tam._

I was grateful for my Guild training, because my smile never wavered . I had backed Kaylee on a Secret Santa, primarily because I enjoy Kaylee so much. A gift exchange had the added benefit of annoying Mal for reasons he couldn't quite figure out, something I always enjoyed watching. With more credits and contacts at my disposals than anyone else on Serenity, why shouldn't I be in favor of it?

Of course, I pulled River Tam's name out of Jayne's ridiculous hat.

Of all Mal Reynold's odd choices, River Tam is the oddest. Yes, I'm sympathetic to the poor girl. I've argued on her behalf, even comforted River myself when she needed it. But don't ask me to say she belongs on Serenity, that it's the best place for her, that we're better off having her here, because I can't. I'm not Jayne, I don't want them thrown off to fend for themselves, but I'm not naïve. Shepherd Book, not matter what he claims he about himself, surely knows a safer haven for the Tams than this floating pirate ship, with the Alliance occasionally checking us out, Jayne occasionally trying to sell them out and River herself occasionally trying to knock us all out. We lose money, all of us, with River on board and no amount of sympathy for her is going to change that.

Ah, well, I thought , the girl hasn't had much of childhood. I planned to give Kaylee some credits and have her purchase a doll next time we're planetside. I was disappointed, but Companions wouldn't last long if disappointment wasn't practically a pleasure.

My upper crust client that week was often…well, I spent a lot of time telling him stories. This happens more often than you'd think. The allure and mystique of being with a Companion often renders the sort of man who chooses to be with a Companion in the first place incapable. Or finished rapidly. This particular man had wanted me talk about myself all week. He was looking, of course, for glamorous stories, about the exciting and rewarding life of a Companion. And if a man such as himself featured as the favored type of client, well, that's what he was paying for. Perhaps I was tired that night, perhaps River was on mind, perhaps I mistook "tell me about yourself" to actually mean tell me about yourself.

"I was, I guess, about eleven years old. How my sisters and I came to walking alone that day I'm not certain. I am certain someone lost their position over allowing it, although we were kept from those harsh realities, as well. Arm in arm, dressed, as usual in silk, Sophia, the youngest, tripped over the discarded Querm ball. Treasured as they were, this one must have been in dreadful shape to have been left behind. We, of course, had no idea how to play Querm. It's a street game, played outside by the lower classes and involves a great deal of shouting and shoving. The ball has lights and moves on it's own, in addition to being kicked and thrown. That much I had seen from my bedroom window.

When Sophie tripped the Querm rolled in my direction and let out a pathetic blip. I giggled a bit a kicked it forward. Marina ran forward and, dropping her books, hunched her shoulders, drawing us into a huddle. Despite the ball's pathetic state and our own lack of knowledge, we spent the next twenty minutes running, kicking, tackling and generally getting gloriously dirty in a spectacularly unladylike way."

My mother arrived, like a whirlwind from hell. I've never seen her so angry before or since. We were locked in our rooms for a week."

I fell silent.

"Childhood is dumb." he whined.

The crew is in the bay. Kaylee and Wash are teaching Simon and River how to play. Simon had started out uptight and dignified and was clearly _only doing this for River's sake_, but now he is having fun and is bumping into Kaylee every chance her gets. Wash, joyful Wash, is living in this moment like he lives in every moment. I can see why Zoe loves him so much.

Book is examining the fine leather of the Querm and testing its reactions. Mal and I sit silently dangling our legs over the catwalk, while off to the side, Zoe and Jayne are arguing rules and scoring. Just as things between them start to get a little heated them, I call out, "It's River's ball. She decides."

River shoots that piercing gaze of hers my way, but she says in the sing-song voice, "Inara has given me the power," and I laugh. Jayne looks distinctly disgruntled as Zoe smiles her beautiful smile. I know why Wash is so happy all the time.

River is, well, she's River. I'm still not sure she should be here. But maybe she can have a childhood while she is.

"A Querm ball, huhn?" Mal says quietly.

"River seems to like it." I answer noncommittally. Conversation with Mal is like dancing with a porcupine.

"Oh, she likes it alright," he answered. "River's not the point for once. You are. Didn't think fancy piece like you even knew what Querm was. Sort of a rough and tumble kind of game."

I suppose I could get upset about the "fancy piece", but it's Christmas and I want to be happy. I want more than anything just to keep sitting here with Mal, watching our crew enjoying themselves.

I rest my head oh his shoulder.

"You can't open the book of my life and jump in the middle. Like you, I am a mystery."

He puts his arm around me.

"That's fair."


End file.
